Werk

I might have mentioned awhile back that my Union contract is up for renegotiation at work. It was actually up 2 years ago, but because of budget problems in the recent economic crisis it was rolled over 2 consecutive years. As a preface, I make a decent wage and am grateful to be employed in …

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Crotchety

I got a very interesting email reply regarding some of my more recent posts. The person wasn’t ugly or rude but asked if I thought I was getting less flexible in my tolerance of others as I get older. This gave me pause to ponder as I’ve wondered the very same thing at times. My …

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1000 Words

So this guys sends me a message the other day on Scruff wanting to hook-up. Forgetting for a moment, he didn’t even bother checking to see if there was any interest in that from me, he launches into how he used to do porn.1 His profile picture and the 5 others he sends before I …

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ooops

I somehow managed to delete my last post. I’ll try to repost it when I have more free time. Damn mobile app. lol

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No Homo

Two things this post. I was reading the other day about a gay bar called NeverMind in Copenhagen that had banned a straight couple from kissing and then promptly kicked them out when they complained. Here’s the link courtesy of Towleroad. First, I find it ironic this story even exists. Who da thunk it, right? …

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WerkCrotchety1000 WordsooopsNo Homo

May 16

Werk

Categories:

drama, work

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I might have mentioned awhile back that my Union contract is up for renegotiation at work. It was actually up 2 years ago, but because of budget problems in the recent economic crisis it was rolled over 2 consecutive years.

As a preface, I make a decent wage and am grateful to be employed in such touch economic times.

In the last 3 years, I’ve given up significant chunks of raises and salary. Its going on year 4 since I’ve had a raise of any kind. This year I wasn’t overly optimistic about raises, I just didn’t want lose anything. My finances are stretched to the limit and just can’t take anymore cuts.

One of the biggest worries was our health plan contributions. My out of pocket expense would have gone from $200 to $420 a month had the proposal on the table passed. That dent alone would have caused some serious damage. I found out that proposal is off the table.

The 2nd issue was a flat out pay cut. Considering I’m already underpaid for my job classification, this was also of significant worry. Had the health plan changes and a pay-cut passed, I would have had to move out of San Francisco. I honestly don’t know how people who don’t make as much as I do make it.

Anyway, the two big issues are off the table. There is a dispute over my dept’s lunch hour and a raise that we’ve deferred twice now. Either way, I’m just happy to not have to move out of SF. If I ended up having to move, I wasn’t even sure I would have stayed in California. Thankfully, that is a decision I do not have to make now. I love living here but I have no intention of living in an area where I can’t live decent.

On a side rant, I can’t remember if I mentioned it but I’m still up for a promotion. The first two slots were filled by coworkers on the list above me. There is still a position coming up that will have to be filled. I have no idea when it will come to fruition.

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May 13

Crotchety

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culture, gay, hmmmm?, me, random thoughts, struggling

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I got a very interesting email reply regarding some of my more recent posts. The person wasn’t ugly or rude but asked if I thought I was getting less flexible in my tolerance of others as I get older. This gave me pause to ponder as I’ve wondered the very same thing at times.

My answer is yes and no. I looked back over the last year of off/on posts and I don’t think I’m getting crotchety…yet! lol I haven’t talked much about my personal growth later so yeah it seems I am more opinionated in many of my more recent posts. I can tell the person asking isn’t a long time reader because he would know those are pretty much parcel and post around here. I always have an opinion. But, I am willing to listen to other opinions on many issues and sometimes I even change my own.

I do think as I age though what used to be fleeting ideals have settled in my id. For my few looooong time readers, you’ll remember the struggles I’ve gone thru here. They are legion. And you’ll remember me referring to myself as a blank slate in some regards because I never felt like I was given a strong moral compass as a child. I had to choose which paths in life to take and part of that was how I wanted to be as a person. I have a strong moral compass now. It may not be the norm or even acceptable to others but it guides me in all that I do. I still try to live by the Golden Rule, love, acceptance, tolerance, kindness, and compassion. And thru that I’ve grown from trying to figure out who I am to knowing who I am. I still struggle, as should we all, with things but my id is more formed today. Life, age, experience, mistakes, and wisdom all had a hand it that of course. Am I still fallible? Of course I am! As evidenced by last failed-LTR. I went into it with blinders on and am still feeling the repercussions as a result. And yes, I still have baggage that I carry around with me. I’m happy that it has been reduced to a single carry-on vs a whole family set. hehehe

So yes, I do think I am a tad less flexible in some ways. The irony here is had I been more less-flexible, my last LTR would not have turned into an LTR. Actually, that is only partially true. I had also transferred somer personal demons into the mix that contributed greatly. Anyway, there are many things I used to ignore or shrug off when I was younger. Now I just find I have less tolerance for what I see as bullshit. And if you drag me into your BS or drama, I’m more apt to tell you about it vs just walking away. The key I think is not to allow all the problems of others to become BS in my mind. That is the distinction.1

On the flip side, I’m still evolving as a human. I’m still learning and growing as a man and discovering more of what makes me tick. In that regard, I don’t think I’m inflexible at all. I actually believe I am very flexible, almost too much. In the end, I’m struggling for balance. And I believe therein lies the fundamental key; finding a balance between beliefs and ideals while still being accepting of others or willing to see outside of my own box, so to speak.

So, there is your answer dear reader and thanks for being willing to broach the subject with me.



  1. There’s that word again. I just love it. [↩]

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May 10

1000 Words

Categories:

culture, gay, ignunce, rant, social networking

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So this guys sends me a message the other day on Scruff wanting to hook-up. Forgetting for a moment, he didn’t even bother checking to see if there was any interest in that from me, he launches into how he used to do porn.1 His profile picture and the 5 others he sends before I can even reply once are all from his production portfolio. Not really a problem as there are a good many porny boy here and they all tend to use their glamour shots. The problem is I’ve seen him recently in real life and he looks nothing like his old porn shots. One, he has gained a good 30lbs or so. Not bad in itself but why try to hide it? SF is a very bear-friendly city. Two, he then proceeds to lie about his age by like 10 or more years. Sad, considering he didn’t really look all that bad. Not my type but still not that bad if you can get beyond the obvious dishonesty and apparent lack of self-respect.

I guess he didn’t realize I have seen him in real life. Anyway, I called him on his pics. Now I was very polite about it. All I said was, “Hey guy, thanks for the interest. Unfortunately, not a match for me. I would recommend updating your pics though as having seen you lately you look nothing like the pics you sent.” OMFG! You’d have thought I’d just burned down his house he was so indignant. He proceeds to tell me, “How dare you say that? Do you know who I am? I could snap my fingers and have 10 different guys over here ***** ***** ****.” (I deleted the graphic sexual detail he referred to here lol) Forgetting the obvious why the eff are you messaging me then comment, I again politely reply back, “I’m not trying to be ugly, I just meant there is a clear difference between your pics and you now. If you really want a solid connection being honest about what/who you are is a big part of that.” Meanwhile, I’m giggling to myself cause I know this is also not going to be received well. Sure enough, I get a very long-winded email about how fabulous he is and what he does for the porn industry, blah blah blah. At this point, I realize my politely direct advice is falling on deaf ears so I just ignore his 3 additional messages.

Don’t misunderstand me, I am no bad-mouthing porn. I know several hard-working, good guys who do porn for a living. It’s an honest living and I have no judgements. While I usually avoid porny boys in my bedroom, it is more from a drama-management perspective. And I said “usually” because there have been exceptions. But the fact that you used to do porn is not license to lie. And to be clear, there are plenty of non-industry “fibbers” online as well. I use this story as its recent.

I used to just ignore these guys but when you make such a direct, hard-line approach to me then you should be able to back it up. The fact he was direct was the one good thing about the whole episode. I hate wishy-washy flakes. And this whole BS idea that your anonymous online and you can be anyone you wanna be is nonsense. The simple and obvious reason is once you meet someone in person your grand story is blown. Duh!

The moral boys and girls is be honest. Or at the very least, don’t blow a gasket when you get busted for being a big fat liar. (Pun intended. LOL) Sure the responses might be less, but they’ll be legitimate.



  1. or may still do for all I know [↩]

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May 07

ooops

Categories:

blogs

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I somehow managed to delete my last post. I’ll try to repost it when I have more free time. Damn mobile app. lol

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May 07

No Homo

Categories:

culture, gay, rant, society

by

Two things this post.

I was reading the other day about a gay bar called NeverMind in Copenhagen that had banned a straight couple from kissing and then promptly kicked them out when they complained. Here’s the link courtesy of Towleroad.

First, I find it ironic this story even exists. Who da thunk it, right? lol I think the owners had good intentions but overreacted a bit. But, I don’t know if I have a good answer anymore either. I find my own ideas on the subject evolving over time. I do know as we go more mainstream, it silly to think straights won’t begin to invade our places, en masse. On one hand that is a good thing and we should be glad they feel comfortable around us. But, we haven’t reached a point where we can go into their bars and show affection for each other. Until we do I think we need our own spaces. I’m not saying they aren’t welcome but respect should be given both ways and I think therein lies the problem. Male or female, I often encounter straights in our environment who feel entitled to behave however they see fit because they are straight. As if somehow that validates their behavior. Sorry but no. Until you walk a mile in our shoes for awhile, don’t be so quick to flaunt your rights. Our spaces were hard-earned while yours are a given. If you come our spaces it is not acceptable for you to be disrespectful or thru bravado or even drunkenness act entitled because you were born with a different form of attraction. Don’t go bonkers when you are asked to curb your behavior. You are getting but a taste of what we go thru.

We should also try to be more accommodating though too. Banning straights from a gay bar is silly.1 We should also be willing to accommodate a little ignorance as we educate our straight brethren. For my part, anytime my straight friends go to a gay bar with me they know what to expect because I’ve told them. I always warn them to expect someone, male or female, may hit on them. As long as the line of decency isn’t crossed, and I would hold that to anyone, just roll with the punches and be polite.

I honestly believe we are moving toward a day where, straight or gay, it won’t matter. But until we get there, I think navigating such a complicated issue isn’t easy and requires understanding on both sides.

*

On a side rant, I got really pissed at some guy on Google++ the other day. He was complimenting a mutual online friend on his hard work in the gym. No problem until he felt the need to preface his compliment with the ever immature ‘nohomo‘ phrase. Are you fucking kidding me? Since it wasn’t my feed I kept my cool but just barely, and I still let him know it was stupidly immature to make such a comment.

I don’t even know if the mutual social friend is gay or straight and I could care less. To preface a comment like that reeks of stupidity. One, as if one man complimenting another is bad and two, if you do it might seem gay and that is bad. Hell-to-the-No! I half expected the mutual friend to delete my comment or even ban me from his circles but he just rolled with it. The other guy didn’t reply so maybe he took the hint. Either way, I really don’t care. I’ve reached an age and level where I will not stand idly and be insulted, even indirectly. And letting others know their behavior, however ignorantly well-meaning, is inappropriate is a big step to curbing said behavior.

\rant



  1. Now if your bar is totally geared toward sexual conquests or hook-ups, that’s a different story. Sorry but straights have no business in our hook-up bars, well unless they wanna get laid. hehehe [↩]

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May 04

Dark Side

Categories:

gay, hmmmm?, me

by

I’ve been getting more than usual flirts from members of the opposite sex lately. It’s kinda odd because it seems to have come out of nowhere. lol The occasional flirt doesn’t really register but more than a few a month is noteworthy.

I’m sitting on the MUNI bus a couple weeks back and this girl comes over and sits next to me. I didn’t think much of it as the coach was a tad crowded. I had Cooper with me and she started asking questions about him as she petted him. At one point, she was practically in my lap and her questions had shifted from Cooper to me. I was sort of shocked to realize she was trying to get me to pick her up! lol I almost fell out of my seat. Luckily, my stop arrived and she wasn’t departing at the same terminal. Cooper and I exited the train. I couldn’t resist the urge to look back and sure enough she was staring after me and smiling.

I’m at Starbucks in the ‘hood one day and the girl behind me starts up a conversation. Next thing I know she’s asking if I’m married or if I have a “girlfriend.” I’m like, really? I’m at the heart of gay and gayer and you’re mack’n on me? She figured it out when I hugged and kissed a friend who happened to stop by. hehehe She looked so dejected too.

Even at work I’ve noticed a slight change from some of my female co-workers. I’m completely out at work and everyone knows. I’ve always had little compliments and kind words from some of the girls but lately it seems to have really picked up. Just last week I had 3 different girls call me handsome, compliment my muscles, ask about my gym routine, who I was dating, etc.

Coupled with my recent post about the guy in the gym suddenly finding interest I’m curious what has changed about me? Have my pheromones changed? Am I giving off the single and available vibe more strongly? Honest to goodness, I don’t really get it. Granted, I can appreciate an attractive woman but I’m a polar zero on the Kinsey scale. Having been to the dark side, not once but twice, I am quite confident it is most definitely NOT for me. lol I say that in jest of course. I’m always very flattered when someone finds me attractive. We all should. It doesn’t change who I am if it is a girl or a guy. It just is.

Anyway, while I’m certainly perplexed, I ain’t bitchin’. Hopefully, it will continue with the boys as well.

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May 01

Bulk

Categories:

adult, chance encounter, me

by

*A bit of an adult rant today, if you’re logged in there will be a more detailed follow up*

I had a really hot encounter this past weekend. It started out with a buddy I’ve known for years. We’ve played around a few times off and on. Well, for whatever reason he decided to make it a 3-way this past weekend.

The point of my little ramble is about mind-set. While my buddy is a tad taller and more built than I, his friend was quite the muscle..meaning he was built.1 And I do mean built, you could put me and my buddy together and we’d almost make up the big guy. He is what I often refer to as a meathead. lol

Anyway, when my buddy orignally texted me his friend’s pic I admit I got a little intimidated. While I’m not the scrawny boy of yesteryear, I’m still not huge by any stretch of the imagination. And honestly, big boys usually go for other big boys (barring the rare exception). So as I’m driving over I’m a tad nervous because this guy is huge. While I can offer certain skills, one would think those are easy to obtain elsewhere. hehehe Having had experience with my buddy I knew deep down he wouldn’t have invited me if it was an issue.

As I’m driving over I start chastizing myself for feeling so stupid. One of my axioms in life is “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” I got really frustrated with myself for getting so anxious. While there would have been a time when my on insecurity would have prevented me from going thru it, I’m not the man anymore. I’m 41 years old for Peet’s sake. I’m a big enough boy to admit my shortcomings while also realizing my assets. What was the absolute worst thing that could happen? I could get there, the meathead wouldn’t be into me, and I’d leave. The end. None of which demeans or makes me “less” in anyway.

As my internalized anger increased, my timidness had all but evaporated by the time I arrived at my buddy’s place.2 I walked in with no expectations and was prepared to have fun. Upon meeting the big guy I could tell immediately 1) he was shy, 2) he was just as nervous as I had been. If you read my footnote above you’ll know I made the first move and it worked flawlessly. In moments I had taken complete control of the situation and was leading by what I wanted and expected.

Needless to say, it turned out to be an awesome time! Some of the body mechanics were a bit of a challenge *ahem* if you know what I mean. hehehe



  1. Ironically, he would normally be someone I’d admire but would never chase because they were too big. [↩]
  2. A little side-note, I taught myself a long time ago when I’m nervous instead of retreating, step bolding forward. You’d be amazed how much that changes the game. lol [↩]

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Apr 27

Neglect

Categories:

me, muscle, photo

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dorky pic of me in the gym one day

In my previous ramble about fitness and the gym, I’ve gotten in the habit of neglecting my lower body. Cardio is all but non-existent these days. lol I don’t have bird legs or anything but I’ve been incorporating more lower body exercises into my routines again. This is good for obvious reasons but it also motivates me to get into the gym that extra day every week when I would normally tend to blow it off. You can only push your muscles so far so fast. They need time to recover. So now having more muscles to work means extra time in da gym while allowing other muscles to recover…a win win!

I’ve also been hitting my glutes over the last couple weeks. Let me tell you they are sore as hell! I worked’em on Monday and I’m still effin’ sore today.1 Oy vey, they hurt! I feel like powerbottom brettcajun after an all night orgy.

Anyway, I’m seeing results. I’m sad to say I’d let my glutes get a little less than plump in the last couple years. But, they are bouncing back nice and proper now. hehehe Next on the agenda are my calves. I want 3″ on those bad boys! My calves used to be one of my best features2 back in the day. They haven’t shrunk, I just haven’t been keeping them in check with the rest of my growth.

If you see an updated on twitter or Google++ with me yelling, “I’ve fallen and can’t get up”, you know I overdid it one day. lol



  1. One-leg lunges using the smith-machine are da bomb-diggity! [↩]
  2. get your minds out of my gutter bitches [↩]

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Apr 25

Bi

Categories:

news, SF, society

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This Guy is facing felony charges now for plowing thru a busy intersection in SF, not to mention the heart of the Castro. The story grabbed national headlines afterwards because the cyclist, a blogger, took to a local cycling site after the incident making some very careless comments about the guy dying to save his helmet. The comments were eventually removed by the site after massive reader backlash.

Anyway, I mention it because SF is one of the most cyclist friendly cities in the nation. That being said, the friction between cyclists and vehicles has increased exponentially in the last 11 years I’ve lived here. Many point fingers at Critical Mass, a local cyclist event meant to bring attention to the plight of cyclists. Varied amounts of riders gather on the last Friday of every month here and basically set out across the city blocking traffic and intersections. While CM started for good reasons it has devolved into a punk-a-thon of riders looking for mayhem and does more harm to the cause of cyclists in SF than any good it ever created.1

Being a motorcycle rider, I try to be friendly to cars, cyclists, and pedestrians. Lord knows there are plenty of idiots in every category. I’ve had peds walk out in front of me, cars cut me off, and cyclists jump in front of me trying to beat traffic. And while I do think CM does create a lot of negative attention for cyclists in SF, I do not feel it is the biggest culprit. LIke many societal issues, it boils down to respect. Very few in any category above give respect to the others. Each feels entitled in their own way.

Many car owners think the own the roads and make virtually no allowances for anyone else. They are oblivious to anyone but other vehicles. Taxis are some of the absolute worst offenders. Cyclists ignore 99% of traffic laws, ride on streets, sidewalks, crosswalks and virtually anywhere two-wheels will carry them. Many are belligerent to anyone who interferes with ‘their” riding or act indignant if you confront them for stupid antics. I had an incident recently where I was walking Cooper. We were crossing at a crosswalk and these 2 cyclist come barreling down the street with no intention of stopping. One girl presumes to yell it me to get out of “her” way. She promptly got cussed out and had she hit Cooper, I probably would have yanked her off the bike and beat her with its chain.2

Many motorcyclists are overly aggressive and try too hard to cheat traffic and road conditions. They tailgate, split lanes, or make turns way too aggressively IMHO. While I do lane split, I try to always be aware of others and even then that doesn’t always help. lol. Pedestrians are no better. They often walk blindly into traffic without even looking to see what’s coming; comfortable in the knowledge they have the “right of way.” Well sweetie, when you get run over and killed because you couldn’t be bothered to look, we’ll write that on your tombstone, “here lies an idiot, he had the right of way.”

Without some sort of combined public education/outreach program the problem is only going to get worse. All of us need to learn to share the road, obey traffic laws or at least pay attention before proceeding, and share the road with each other. I know it sounds very kumbaya but it’s also true. There is no reason we can’t all enjoy the roadways and get from point A to point B w/o someone getting maimed, or worse killed. I encourage you, whatever your mode of transportation, be mindful you are not alone on the roadways and be willing to share the road.



  1. And for the record, there are conscientious, law abiding cyclists in SF and in CM [↩]
  2. I get very defensive of Cooper when I’m out in public. I can only imagine what I’d be like if I had children. [↩]

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Apr 22

Advice

Categories:

culture, gay, humor

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Ever watch a straight guy in a gay environment? They usually fall into three categories. One, is the obvious freak-the-fuck-out guy. He’s an idiot and we don’t need to talk about him. Two, there is the guy who is completely comfortable with it and usually his own sexuality as well. Three, and my favorite, is the guy totally out of his element and trying his hardest not to show it.

I’ll admit we don’t get many of number three in the gaborhood that often. But as the gentrification of the Castro continues, I’m beginning to see more of them. As soon as the straight women show up, the guys are not far behind. heehee Anyway, today I’m watching this guy walk1 down the street with his girl. She is oblivious to his mounting frustration but seems to be enjoying the new found attention. The guy is trying his hardest not to look uncomfortable. He is taking everything in while trying to maintain that look of disinterest. I must admit it’s cracking me up. I’ve watched them for almost a block now and he has a vice grip on her hand and has already kissed her 3 times. lol Mind you all the while his eyes have been on every storefront and every guy walking by. If it wasn’t so funny I’d feel sorry for him. As I type this he just saw a male couple kissing and he can’t take his eyes off’em!

Oh, and before I move on I should mention I don’t get the slightest gay vibe from him. Not that that means anything. My point is I don’t think he is living in the closet. You can clearly tell the guy is fascinated. OH! He just caught me watching. Damn…my covers been blown. OH well, it was fun while it lasted. He has ‘suddenly’ lost interest in the couple’s kissing and is dragging his girlie past my line of sight. He gets props for being such a good trooper. I’m sure given time and repeated exposure, he’ll be a well-adjusted hetero who understands it really isn’t that much different.

In the meantime, for my few (if any) straight guy readers, let me give you some advice. First, don’t go overboard trying to distinguish your ‘straightness.’ You just end up looking the fool. Be yourself. And while you’re girl of the moment may enjoy the new found attentions, don’t go overboard with the affections. Gay or straight, too much PDAs2 just looks trashy. Contrary to old stereotypes, our neighborhoods aren’t not stop orgies. Sure you might get oggled or flirted with but that’s human nature. Be flattered someone finds you attractive. It doesn’t threaten your own masculinity or sexuality. No one is gonna grab you and try to molest you. Well I say that but if you’re in a cruisy bar all bets are off. lol Second, it’s ok to look. Seriously, we don’t mind. Show off your willingness to expand your boundaries. You’ll look cooler and you’ll probably learn a lot. Lastly, welcome to the ‘hood. In no time you’ll be ignoring the drag queens, naked guys, and explicit store fronts just like the rest of us!



  1. and I say walk, he is attached to her like a fungus [↩]
  2. public display of affection [↩]

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